Merrilee Carlson
NPR.org


When does the public's "need to know" become more important than a family's right to privacy?

I heard about the decision to overturn the media ban at Dover Air Force Base just before the funeral for a beloved family member began. As with each funeral, it brings me back to the funeral of my son, Sgt. Michael Carlson, who was killed serving our country in Iraq. I am always reminded of the honor and tribute paid to him by his friend who brought him home to us. I am also reminded of the media that intruded into the most private and personal moments in our life in order to "get the scoop."

My Michael was brought to Dover by his friend and former commander. It was not a duty he would have chosen, but one he accepted with highest regard for his friend. The men and women who are escorting fallen heroes home are bringing someone they lived with, fought with and would have died to save. They are not emotionless soldiers, sailors or Marines — these are their friends, their brothers-in-arms — and they are trying desperately to remain in control to honor them.

My family was not granted the opportunity to meet Michael at Dover, as he was there before we were informed. Our first moment viewing Michael was very private, personal and emotional. For us in the funeral home, there was that moment of, "It's not him!" And then we got closer, and it became real, and we fell apart. Many families have the opportunity to be at Dover when their hero arrives. I cannot imagine those first moments with a camera flashing — and not knowing where those photos might go next. This was my little boy, and this was our time together.

As we learn more about the lifting of the media ban, it is with great trepidation that we will watch to see whether the media will always seek to honor these special heroes and not use these photos for their own agenda or merely to "get the scoop." Rather, we pray the media will always honor the wishes of the fallen heroes' families and honor the fallen hero they are privileged to welcome home to Dover.

Merrilee Carlson is president of Families United For Our Troops and Their Mission, the nation's leading military family organization in the country. Her son Michael was killed in Iraq in 2005.